To the boy I met tonight at Jacques.

Thank you.  I mean that absolutely sincerely.  As I meant also the compliments I paid to you.

You managed to do something for me tonight that almost no one male-indentified so far has managed to pull off.  Despite the fact that you claimed to be shy.  Despite your nervousness and your apparent lack of experience in places like we were at tonight or with girls like me.  Or perhaps because of those things….

You were brave.  You were polite.  You were cute and you made me smile.

I lead an unusual life, which you might easily have surmised.  I was perhaps stretching my star to refer to myself as “famous”.  But not by much.  I am at least internet famous.  Locally so as well.  I’m possibly even infamous in certain circles.  I am at least recognizable enough to know the experience of strangers approaching me in the street who already know my name and who I am….

And I am bold enough to be able to stand alone in front of a crowd of 10,000 people and presume that they might find me entertaining.  I am even bold enough to live my life quite in the open and very publicly as an Out Transgender Woman.  To be the woman I am, wherever I go.

It does not change the fact that I am also a shy, nervous girl.  Able to address a crowd in an urgent and powerful voice.  But afraid to speak to a cute boy at the bar.

Sometimes I just want that cute boy to take some part of the initiative.  Offer to buy me a drink.  Flirt.

And it’s not that there aren’t boys who don’t.  As I mentioned, there is a type.  The kind that is flattering enough, but that can’t ever get past my transsexual status.  Can’t just see me as an attractive woman.  Who is also trans.  They’ve got such a standard script, it’s hard not to finish their lines before they speak them themselves.

But you pulled it off.  You were able to find that line, despite your own nervousness and (I think…) inexperience with transwomen.  You were able to speak about my transness, ask your questions even.  All the while making me feel like just any average pretty girl with a handsome boy flirting with her at the bar.

It’s a fine line I ride you see.  For all my famous “queer transwoman-ness”, when it comes to boys, I’m just kind of a nervous straight girl.  Going through puberty for a second time.

I live in a weird in-between.  In a lot of ways, I have no place trying to meet men in a gay bar.  I’m a woman looking for a man.  Pretty surprisingly heterosexual for such a militantly queer woman.

And yet, “straight” bars have little more than frustration for me.  I’m too gay.  Too openly trans.  Not that I think there aren’t boys there who might find me attractive (I always hope…).  But almost all of them seem to be too afraid to even approach me.  Too afraid of their own sexuality perhaps.  Or maybe mine.  Or maybe I’m not “enough” of a woman for their friends…  Or.  Or….

I’m too straight for gay boys.  And too gay for straight boys.

It’s frustrating to put it mildly.  These are the thoughts that tear me to shreds before I fall fitfully asleep some nights.

But you pulled it off.  You found that balance.  You managed to make me feel like a beautiful woman while acknowledging me as a transwoman.

Even in the middle of a bar full of stunningly coiffed and elaborately made-up drag queens.  You made me feel fabulous.  Even though I had no makeup on, no painted armour to hide under.  You made me feel pretty.

You were brave.  You were polite.  You were cute and you made me smile.

You bought me drinks without my having to prompt you and without an overt agenda.  At least no more so than any guy buying drinks for an attractive woman!

Thank you for walking with me and thank you for your nervous banter.  I was nervous too.  And it helped.

And thank you for the sweetest goodnight kiss outside the T station so I could get back to my car.  You made me feel like the woman most boys seem to forget that I am.  Like the woman, I myself sometimes forget I am.

We might not meet again.  I can’t be sure the name you gave me was real or just yours for tonight.  But you have my card, and as you can see, if you’ve gone surfing, I really am this person I said I was.  If you’ve come this far, then these words have made their way through the 1s And 0s Post.

And so, boy I met tonight, thank you for being not a boy, but an actual man.  It’s nice to meet one.  It gives me hope.

I was really pretty desperately needing that.

Slainte!

An open response to Gregory Kane of the Washington Examiner

The following blog entry began, as these “Open Letters” often do, as a reaction to a piece of venomous anti-trans bile I stumbled across in the wilds of the internets. I find that I start to write a “comment” and as the word-count climbs I realize I have much more to say than is appropriate for that kind of forum. Thankfully, I have a blog of my own.
I had been intentionally refraining from writing anything about the recent beating in a Baltimore McDonald’s of a woman named Chrissy Lee Polis, who as it happens is also transsexual. The reason for this is that I felt much had been said about the incident already. Her tragedy had been claimed and counter-claimed by various people and groups all purporting to know just what this woman was going through and using the publicity generated by this tragedy as fuel for their own fires.
I don’t judge necessarily, I’m a politician and an activist I know how it works. Some of these have been noble causes. Some not so much. But for myself, I decided to stay mostly silent.
It seemed to me that most everyone was forgetting that there is a woman who has been hurt and scared at the center of all this. A woman who has had all shreds of anonymity ripped away from her by sudden and unasked for internet celebrity. Who can no longer walk around her own neighborhood without being recognized and “outed” as transsexual.
And I suppose by writing this now; I am perhaps no different than anyone who has written about this horrifying incident before me. I offer only the small justification that I do not claim to have any more personal knowledge of Ms. Polis’ personal feelings than anyone else. Only that I recognize her ordeal as one which has sadly been shared by countless other transpeople who have suffered similarly, if less publicly. It is for all those of my sisters and brothers who suffered thus that I speak up now.
Also, as a blogger and a newspaper columnist myself, I felt compelled to respond to the column entitled: “’Hate crime’ justice is no justice at all” by Gregory Kane of the Washington Examiner. Perhaps I have not yet been nominated for a Pulitzer, as Mr. Kane has, but I try to be as well informed and balanced in my opinions and writing as I am able. And I found Mr. Kane’s bigoted and pointedly mean column to be quite lacking in these qualities.
This then is my response to him. I hope that he reads it.

Dear Mr. Kane,

You sir, are an ass.
However you have inadvertently provided an almost pitch perfect example of why hate crime protections for and education about transpeople are absolutely necessary. The sneering manner in which you refer to Chrissy Lee Polis as a “woman” and insist on the fairly pointed usage of male pronouns throughout, indicates to me that you neither know, nor care about the struggles of those who are not so fortunate as yourself. Who have not been lucky enough to be born in a body they were comfortable with. Who were “gendered” in a way they found discordant with their own self-knowledge. Who, in the attempt to align their own public identities with that self-knowledge, often find themselves marginalized, hated and abused with little available recourse.
Ill-informed hatred like that you spew forth from this column is the very engine that drives this abuse. Yours are the words that justify the beatings.
That said, I am going to assume by the fact you have been nominated for a Pulitzer, that you are an intelligent man. And I would like to point out to you, and to those of your readers who might be similarly misinformed, exactly why hate crime protections are called for and indeed vitally needed.
It is not, as you seem to assume, to achieve more excessive criminal punishments than are already called for. In point of fact if most crimes against transpeople were simply punished with the same severity as are similar crimes against most everyone else, it would be a step in the right direction. As it is, even the most heinous crimes, murder for example, when committed against transgender, transsexual and intersex folks, are often punished with little more than a slap on the wrist.
We are not looking for more stringent punishments than those against non-transpeople. We are simply hoping for some degree of equity with anyone else.
A sentiment which was, I believe, shared by the wise Founders of this country. In the interest of brevity I’ll refrain from direct quotes and assume you’re familiar with a rather important document called, “The Declaration of Independence”. At least I hope you are.
The real reason we need Hate Crime protections have little to do with the whinging “political correctness” you accuse us of. It has everything to do with being counted.
This evening I attended a meeting of local activists in which one member was presenting information on the recent beating of the woman you refer to in your column, Chrissy Lee Polis. Who I would like to remind you is more than just fodder for another week’s column, to be sneered at and denigrated. She is a real flesh and blood person. And a citizen of these United States who has been brutalized while others simply stood by and watched. (How Un-American is that!?!?!)
The person giving this presentation admitted that there was precious little in the way of hard information or statistics to be found regarding crime and discrimination against transpeople. Even the F.B.I. came up flat. This is because as a community we are often not counted. Ignored even in the national census. There are few crime statistics because the way the system in this country is set up, the only crimes against minority groups that are counted, tracked and dealt with are those which are registered as Hate Crimes. Everything from funding to prevent such violence to programs to help the victims, are determined by these numbers.
Without Hate Crime protections we may as well not even exist as far as some law enforcement and governmental bodies are concerned. Without Hate Crime protections, as well as other basic Civil Rights which we are also fighting for, we will continue to be beaten, killed, denied basic dignities and generally pushed to the margins of society.
And that sir is why we are standing up in ever increasing numbers to demand that we be treated with the same dignity as anyone else. Why we ask for Hate Crime Preventions and Anti-Discrimination Laws. Why I get so angry when I see men like you, men who have power, privilege and position; belittling and demeaning people like Chrissy Lee Polis and myself who have to watch our backs every minute of the day and fight for every step up we can get.
Think about that the next time you settle into your chair and begin another column with a full stomach and an unharmed body. And thank God for your great good luck.

Slainte!
Lorelei Erisis

Time To Stand Together

I‘m going to say something here that is bound to get me in trouble.  I believe that not only do trans people of all types need to band together in a unified “transgender” movement, despite our individual differences.  I also believe we have an important place in the larger LGBT movement.  Not only that, but I believe we must find ways to support and band with larger movements for social justice and freedom all around the world.

The time is NOW!

If we want trans rights now, we need to speak out with the strikers in Wisconsin.  If we demand our basic freedom, we need to support the free peoples of Egypt, Algeria, Tunisia, Yemen and Bahrain.  If we want to end oppression of trans people, we must work to end oppression wherever it may be found.  We should concern ourselves with the plight of the poor and the powerless on the streets of New York; in the mountains of Appalachia; and in the fields of Afghanistan.

If you are saying to yourself right now, “But why should I concern myself with all of these other problems?  I have my own problems.”  Then you have answered your own question.  This is the very attitude we, as transpeople are up against.  Most folks don’t hate us, they just don’t see why they should be bothered to help.  They have their own problems.  And everything they hear and read and watch encourages this individual focus.

If we have learned anything from the recent actions in the Middle East and Africa, it is that change will only ever happen when the people band together.  When we set aside individual concerns and turn out in numbers to demand freedom for all our Brothers and Sisters.  We saw it in Egypt when bands of Christians stood and protected their Muslim allies as they prayed.  We are seeing it in Wisconsin in the crowds that flood the Capital to say no to an unjust policy that will do nothing but hurt their neighbors.  We see it anywhere people help each other out, simply because there is need.

We must remember that the fight for trans rights is the fight for human rights.  We can either stand together and march towards victory or stand apart and suffer under the fists of oppression.

The time is now.  Together we may succeed.

Just Lorelei

Looking back at the latest posts on this here blog, I was noticing that things were getting kind of heavily political.  Which is all well and good, but is not the primary focus of this here Transproviser.  This was always meant to be a blog about a little bit of everything.

Some politics sure, and some music and if I ever get around to it, some of my thoughts on improvisation, especially as it applies to being transgender.

At it’s heart though, this is a personal blog.  A way for me to share a little bit of who I am and what I think with the world.

Today is a snow day for me.  The second in a row in fact.  So I am presented with the rare opportunity to take some of the thoughts that roll around in my head in the wee morning hours and get them down in black and white.  Turn those nagging electrical/chemical impulses into words on the page.

So if you don’t mind, I’ll just jump right into it.

You probably have figured out by now that I’m a transgender woman.  I know you’re surprised, but it’s true.  And when it comes right down to it, I’m really more specifically a transsexual woman.  It’s a little embarrassing to my radical sensibilities, but I really don’t consider myself to be genderqueer or any of those other nifty and boundary pushing identities.  I think of myself as a woman.  Simply and entirely.

I am also trans and proud of it.  It’s a valuable part of who I am and my journey in the world.  I ID as transgender to show solidarity with my brothers, sisters and others who fall all along the gender variant spectrum.  Also because I am not overly fond of the phrase “Pre-op” transsexual.

I consider myself transsexual because I am in the process of medically transitioning to my “true” gender.  I have been on HRT for several years and my body and mind have changed dramatically and wonderfully!  However, I have not yet had any surgeries and frankly don’t know if I ever will.

Certainly there are surgeries I would like to have.  I am aiming at a number of them.  I may eventually even choose to get the full “gender confirmation surgery”.

The main reason I have not gotten any of these surgeries is less radical and more pedestrian than I would like to admit.  I am an artist.  An actor and a writer and explorer of places and ideas.  Consequently I am not terribly wealthy.  These are only profitable professions for a small minority.  The rest of us do it because we have to, we are compelled.  And maybe, hopefully, someday, I will make money doing what I do.  Just not now.

So I work day jobs.  I do what I have to do to pay the rent and keep food on my table and live life as fully as I am able.

I made a choice when I decided to transition that I was going to simply let myself be the woman I had always been.  I would live as myself and take what steps I could to conform my body to that reality.

More though, I refused to wait any longer.  I would not wait for some long off day where I could afford to have all the surgeries and such that we are told are the requirement to be a “real transsexual”, “a true woman”.

I AM a woman.  I AM a transsexual.  Surgical status be damned.

So here I am.  This is why I identify as both transgender and transsexual.  I am NOT pre-op thank you very much.  I am not pre-anything.  I try as best I can to live my life in the moment.  To do and be what I can in the now.

Life for me is a journey in which the present is just as important as the destination.

So I take baby steps and make attainable goals.

And I try to pay attention to the details along the way so I can better share them with you.  Because I feel if I can share my own experience, the broad strokes as well as the little details, I can enrich the body of what is known about us.  De-mystify our trans identity a little so that other folks may realize we are not so very different.  We are people, same as anyone else, with similar loves, hates and everyday troubles and triumphs.

The same dichotomy of identities even.

I am both Lorelei Erisis, the larger than life celebrity who loves to stand on the stage and work the energy of the crowd and Lorelei who has to keep kicking her elderly orange cat off the table and trudge out in the snow to go pay the rent.

Often what you see here is Lorelei the celebrity or Lorelei the politician.

It’s Lorelei the woman that I want to talk about today.

And of course the idea of identities.

HRT has brought for me a tremendous number of changes.  It’s essentially a second puberty so that ought to be unsurprising.  But it still manages to be so.

One of the really radical changes for me has been in my sexuality.

When I was a teenager I assumed I was going to be the “gay one” in my circle of friends.  It was a lot of years before I would accept my repressed gender identity, so I took the dressing up and other side-effects of that repression as well as the fact that I was a pretty snappy dresser and a little overly fond of showtunes to mean I must be gay!

Imagine my surprise when it turned out I was really attracted to women and not so much to men!  As it turned out in fact, the only one in my little geeky-nerdy group of friends who always had a girlfriend and went through almost the entire, fairly small circle of available girls in our clique, was the “gay one”.  If only he could have come out earlier, some of the rest of us might have been able to get a date!

Eventually though I settled into an identity as bi-sexual.  But really it was more that I was particularly open-minded than that I was actually attracted to men.

I never had a lot of trouble meeting women and had a bad habit of falling passionately in love pretty easily and regularly.  Even when I began experimenting with gender pretty openly, I never had a lot of trouble.  Despite my childhood fears that my gender variance would mean I was going to end up alone and unwanted, I found quite the opposite to be true.  Quite a number of the women I dated very much liked the fact that I would do “drag” occasionally.  I even met several of them while out “en-femme” as they say.

Flash forward and I have accepted my gender variance and allowed myself to finally be myself.  Realized that the “drag” I was wearing was not the dresses and makeup, but the suits and ties!

And flooded with hormones a funny thing has happened to me.  I have fairly suddenly and a bit unexpectedly gone from theoretically attracted to men in a “yes I find that to be an attractive man” way, to “holy crap that guy is hot!” teenage-girl boy-crazy!!

Additionally, I have had the wonderful occasion in the work I do to meet a great many beautiful people with all sorts of gender identities.  Some extremely hot ones in fact!!  So I adjusted my sexual identity accordingly to consider myself to be pan-sexual.  I am attracted to people simply because I find them attractive, regardless of gender or any other factors.  And I try not to worry about it.

This has meant that socially and personally I identify as Queer.  It is an identity I am comfortable with and proud to proclaim.

But, this is a journey and so I have come to something of a crisis of identity lately.  Though I continue to identify as Queer and find myself attracted somewhat to women and others.  I find that what I want, what truly gets my heart racing, what gets me all hot and bothered, is men!  And yet, despite  my revolutionary pose, or perhaps because of it, this makes me oddly uncomfortable.  I find myself having to adjust to the idea that despite my Queer & Kinky identities, I am much more of a straight-girl than I am completely comfortable with admitting.

And I haven’t the faintest idea what to do about it.

As an Out, kink friendly transwoman, I have I can assure you, any number of men who would like to do all kinds of unmentionable things with me.  But gods forbid I should be able to find a guy who will take me out to dinner or a movie and maybe if we hit it off, go back to his place and fool around a little on the couch over a nightcap.

I haven’t even the faintest idea where to find a nice, cute guy who might be into me too.  Gay bars aren’t really any good.  Mostly they’re filled with gay boys who just want other really hot gay boys!  There simply aren’t any “tranny bars” close enough to justify a night out.  And straight bars are a tease.  I find most guys I might meet there are simply too afraid to approach a 6’4” Out transwoman in public.  Even a damned pageant queen!!  And the ones who are into me are too afraid to admit to it publically.  They’ll fuck me, but they won’t be seen with me.  Fun as that is, I just can’t get into that.

Just Lorelei

Don’t get me wrong, I love hot, dirty sex as much as the next girl.  Heck, given that I spent 5 years in a long-term relationship with a famous and notoriously dirty dominatrix, I’ve had experiences and done things that most people will only ever read or fantasize about.

But I’d really like a little vanilla-ish romance now!  I want it so badly it hurts.  I’d like to let go of being Lorelei Erisis, trans-activist for a few minutes and just fall into the arms of a beautiful, strong man.  Ideally one who is tall enough to not be dwarfed by me.  Who can see me as simply the beautiful woman I am.  Whose self-identity is strong enough to be seen with me.

I have no idea where to find him.  He’s not popped up on any of the dating sites I’ve put profiles on and if I’ve met him in real life, he hasn’t had the cojones to speak up yet.

I hope I meet him soon though because I’m ready and anxious to explore what it means to be a straight girl.  Even if it is an Out, Queer, Trans one.

A Trans-Analysis of SNL (and some really blatant self-promotion)

Lorelei Erisis doing what I do best!!!

There are those moments when I think to myself, “Lorelei, keep you’re your trap shut”.  Sometimes I listen, sometimes I don’t.  This is clearly one of those moments where I don’t.

There was a sketch on SNL last weekend that’s got all kinds of folks up in arms this week.  It was one of SNL’s standard fare commercial parodies starring guest host Jesse Eisenberg and several other cast regulars.  The sketch was a commercial for a fictional product called, “Estro-Maxx”, an estrogen supplement for male to female transsexuals hoping to speed up and simplify their gender transition.

I haven’t watched SNL regularly in years, so I had no idea about this sketch until this morning when I opened up Facebook and saw several of my friends and acquaintances from the trans world expressing their horror and dismay over this particular sketch.  Some were even calling for a public apology from NBC as well as a removal of the offending sketch from all media and future broadcasts.  In short, it was a shit-storm.

So, trans-activist that I am, I clicked the link, ready to formulate my own facebooked expressions of dismay but also trying my best as a comedy person to keep an open mind.  One minute and 55 seconds later, my impressions were similarly divided.

As a transwoman, I was deeply unsettled by the depictions of a transwoman with a beard and one with a mustache.  I was also jarred as an activist by the sloppy pronoun usage in referring to these transwomen.

But as someone who has spent most of their life studying, performing and working in the comedy field, I couldn’t help but think maybe there was something there.  I’ll admit, I did laugh a couple of times.  Not a hearty laugh, but enough of a chuckle to count.  I still felt somehow offended, but there were details that kept nagging at me.

As it happened, I had to get to work and get on with the day to day of paying the rent and living life.  But I kept an eye on the opinion threads through the day, wanting to feel out how other people were reacting.

The more I thought about the sketch though, the less offended I was.  There were little details that made me have to think.  Inferences I made based upon what I know about comedy and from a lifetime of eagerly staying up late to hear Don Pardo say, “Live from New York!”

When I got home just a little while ago I watched it again and discussed it with my friend Widow Centauri, who I met while she was doing standup and I was running the show at The Hollywood Improv.  Here are the conclusions that I’ve come to.

(click the link  below to watch the actual sketch on NBC.com)

http://widget.nbc.com/videos/nbcshort_at.swf?CXNID=1000004.10045NXC&widID=4727a250e66f9723&clipID=1279560&showID=61

First, yes it is offensive.  It’s comedy though and sometimes comedy ain’t pretty and almost all comedy is offensive to someone.  Even “self-deprecating” comedy is simply making the comic themselves the butt of the joke.  They are offending themselves.  And before you shout, “What about Bill Cosby?!?” at me.  Just consider how his kids must feel about his jokes.  Or Noah?

The line between when people feel offended and when they laugh, tends to lie in direct proportion to how actually funny the joke was.  I’ve seen comedians get away with the most incredibly, outrageously, the-ACLU-should-be-alerted, offensive material, because the audience just couldn’t help but laugh!  Because it was super-friggin’ funny!!  Because it was delivered well and the timing was just so.

Now the folks at Saturday Night Live have to turn out a fresh show every seven days.  An hour and a half of material that people are going to reasonably expect to be funny.  But that isn’t always going to be gut-busting.  With that much pressure, some of it will be “merely” clever.  Kinda funny.  Hopefully at least smart.

So, back to the sketch.  It was kinda funny and the more I examined it, kinda smart too.  It works on a number of levels.  Transsexual folks are only one of them.  It’s a very effective skewering of all those commercials offering health products to women.  Menopausal women especially.  On that level, it’s a pretty note for note replication of one of those commercials.  For it to work as satire though, you need an unexpected element.  For that, in this context, transsexual women are perfect.

On deeper reflection, I am forced to believe that this was in no way meant to be a skewering of transwomen.  Though there are women-with-beards presented, it in no way resembles the standard “gender-panic” type joke that you usually see pointed at transpeople in the popular media.  It is nothing like Letterman’s tasteless joke when Amanda Simpson was appointed by President Obama last year.

In fact, given the very specific reference levels of the sketch, I would say that it was written and performed by folks who, while they may not be perfectly sensitive, are at least familiar with and surprisingly informed about transpeople in real life.  There were elements of the sketch that, while easy to miss in the first flush of reaction, were pretty trans-specific.  Like the idea that the initial stages of gender transition are never as quick or as dramatic as some of us would like it to be.  Or showing transwomen as respectable people living our daily lives, in positions of power even!

I also read a number of comments from transpeople around the internets who noted that for once, we were not portrayed as over-sexualized freaks.  Heck, most of the women portrayed in the sketch weren’t even in dresses.  They were mostly in casual pantsuits!  They were probably dressed the closest to how actual (or at least, white, middle-class) transwomen dress that I’ve yet seen on television.

The sketch really could have been quite a positive piece overall.  But then came the facial hair.  And you could almost hear a thousand transsexual and transgender people go “Booooo!!!  Hissssssss!!!!”  And honestly, if it had been me, an actual, honest to Gods, transgender woman, writing the sketch, I would not have gone there.  But it wasn’t me, it was a bunch of (as far as I know) young-ish, cisgender guys.

Folks whose job it is to come up with, write, perform and often produce themselves, fresh funny material in less than six days every week for several months a year.  And hopefully not offend anyone too badly.  A job I would kill for, but by no means an easy one.

I actually thought, upon examination, that the “Estro-Maxx” sketch had a lot in it that was specifically applicable to transpeople, potentially funny to us and not necessarily a lot of other people.  But SNL has a lot of other people watching who also need to be made to laugh.

So, beards on transwomen.  In comedy terms it’s an unexpected juxtaposition of elements.  One of the basic building blocks of comedy, put a couple of disparate things together and build the yucks.  It ain’t always pretty, but it’ll make the Coors Lite buying segment of the viewing public laugh and keep them tuned to an otherwise oddly specific sketch.

But wait!  It goes a little deeper than just that even.  When we first see the bearded transwoman, she’s going through an airport security scanner.  The bored looking guard overseeing this doesn’t even blip at the women with obvious facial hair going through the scanner until he sees the scan and the scene implies he’s seen her genitals, at which point he finally reacts.

I kept thinking about this and it seemed to me, the more I thought about it, that this was actually a pretty astute observation of how genitally obsessed people in our society can be.  I can tell you from personal experience that I encounter this sort of thing all the friggin’ time!!  People will be completely unfazed by the fact of a six foot four woman with a gameshow announcers voice towering over them, but they cannot let go of the idea that my genitals might not be the standard issue for most women!!

But then, the guard does not react with the boring old, standard issue comedy, shock and horror, total disgust face.  The guard actually seems interested and happy!  He even shows up in the final tableau!!

The mustache on the other hand, I can’t defend except to say that for some reason it was a hilarious mustache in and of itself.  Seriously, you could show me 30 seconds of just that ‘stache and I’d be laughing my fool head off.  But probably it wasn’t appropriate for the sketch.

All told, I did not think the “Estro-Maxx” commercial parody was the funniest thing I’ve seen in ages or even close to the funniest thing I’ve seen on SNL.  (“Wake Up And Smile” was.  Trust me, Google it.  It’s friggin’ twisted)  And I can well understand why many of my transsexual/transgender sisters and brothers are so offended.  But I have to say that I found it surprisingly smart and somewhat funny.

It’s never fun to be the butt of the joke, but I can tell you one thing.  When they’re making fun of you on Saturday Night Live, it means people are paying attention.  You are important enough to make reference to.

And transpeople are that!  We are finally beginning to be heard.  The media juggernaught has taken notice and the advertisers will not be far behind.  That is something SNL got dead right.

Now, the question is, what do we do with that spotlight?!?!

As far as SNL is concerned, I know what I’d like to see.  I’d like to see a transsexual/transgender host or even cast member!!  If Lorne Michaels and NBC want to make a gesture to the trans community I have a suggestion.

Let me host!!!

I’m a Second City trained improviser, actor, writer and sketch comic who has been doing comedy one way or another since I could first make words come out of my mouth!!  And I’m also a genuine Bona-Fide transsexual woman!  Heck, I’m even a transgender celebrity.  A columnist, an activist AND a pageant queen.  I was the very first Miss Trans New England!!!

How do you like them apples!??!?!

And if one transgender woman’s not enough for ya, I’ve even got funny friends!!  I’m sure my friend, stand-up comedy veteran and also genuine bona-fide, etc., etc., transwoman, Tammy Twotone could be convinced to join me!  You could get a Comedy Transwoman Two-fer!!

So whaddya say Mr. Michaels???  Will you let me host?

How about you internet friends?  My trans sisters and brothers and everyone else reading this???  Do you want to see a flesh and blood transsexual woman making the funny for you on national TV??  Do you want your voices represented?

Then make it so.  Time for us to grab control of that spotlight ourselves.

Get out there and tell SNL and NBC that you want Lorelei Erisis to deliver that famous line, “Live from New York!  It’s Saturday Night!!!”

Lorelei Erisis, Tammy Twotone & LezleeAnne Rios

Tell Lorne Michaels you want Lorelei Erisis to host SNL

Slainte!

An open response to the author of “‘Transwomen’ Are Merely Castrated Men”.

Dear Bev Jo,

Wow.  I had to sit down and pour myself a large glass of Irish whiskey before I tried to respond to your essay, entitled, “’Transwomen’ Are Merely Castrated Men”.  I always seem to forget that such hatred still exists among folks who should understand us the best.

First of all, I am glad that this essay was reposted, despite it’s initial removal.  I do not believe in censorship or the suppression of ideas in any way shape or form.  I am also glad to see your essay returned to this forum Bev, because of a basic rule I learned in High School journalism class.  Or rather the explanation of the rule.

The rule was an admonition against editorializing unnecessarily.  The explanation we were given was that, if you give enough rope to someone with a bad or hateful or simply misguided opinion, they will as sure as the sunrise hang themselves from their own words.

Fortunately for this response, I ended up not as a strict journalist, but as a columnist.  I hang myself from my own words for (a tiny portion of) a living!!

The first time I came across this essay, I just skipped past it.  Given the headline, I was pretty certain of the brand of hate I would find.  I’ve been forcing myself to read Janice Raymond’s “The Transsexual Empire” recently out of a desire to be as fully and accurately informed about the material which has been used to support and to justify the oppression of my sisters and brothers for so very many years.

“Know thine enemy,” as it were.

You can imagine my surprise when I realized that Prof. Raymond’s book was classic Science Fiction!!!  It was a familiar formula to any sci-fi nerd.  She starts with ideas and examples that are pretty close to things that are actually going on in the real world of today.  The male dominated medical establishment for example.  An establishment that for many years forced transwomen into very heteronormative boxes and roles if they wanted to be able to transition, to receive PERMISSION to be themselves.

But then Prof. Raymond takes these examples and spins them out into pure paranoid fantasy!!  She imagines an evil cabal of men and their occasional female lackey-puppets, who conspire in backrooms and high offices to infiltrate female spaces and minds through the crafty deployment of their “She-Male” shock troops!!

I’m not even trying to refute the long-held and insidious power of our overly-Patriarchal society here.  I’m just saying that what Prof. Raymond suggests would be a dumb plan!  If it were an episode of Star Trek, you’d accuse the writers of being cheap hacks!!

So I skipped your article Bev Jo.  Daily life was beating me up pretty badly as it was this week and I had little desire to be insulted or belittled by the words of a Raymond acolyte.

But then this afternoon a friend from the local LGBT community posted the link for your essay to my facebook page with the comment that I should, “(… )get all on top of this! I couldn’t read past the 4th paragraph…… completely aghast….”  So I clicked the link and began to read.  And while I always try to keep an open mind, it was much as I expected.  Vintage venom.

I’m left wondering about some things Bev.  And yes, I’m talking to you as much as I’m talking to the other folks reading this.

You make wild assumptions and broad categorizations about transwomen.  You seem to think we are all of one mold.  So I ask you this:  Are you exactly like your lesbian sisters?  Are every one of you “man haters”?  For that matter, do all cisgender women, in your opinion, have the same motivations and desires?  Is there an agenda you are all following?

How would you feel if someone seriously suggested these things to you?  Stated them as fact.

I noticed that one of your supporting commenters was using the name of a famous female serial killer.  Does that mean all women are killers?

That’s basically the type of analogy you use to link transwomen to the individuals who fired guns at Michigan Womyn’s Fest.  Where you actually use concrete examples, you make exceptionally broad inferences about all transwomen based on very small samples.

Would it be okay if you said, “All black people are… “ or “Catholics are simply…”?

You seem so full of hate and willful ignorance.  Your words indicate that you haven’t even considered expanding your worldview, or even considering any new arguments in at least 3 decades.  I find that sad.

Probably you think of yourself as a good person.  Passionate and caring even.  It’s an odds-on bet that you have loved and been loved.  At least I hope you have.

So why such hate?  What horrible things have transwomen done to YOU, that you are able to justify such strongly-spoken bigotry?

I have been extremely fortunate myself to have known and worked with a great many absolutely wonderful lesbian identified women.  I was born in Northampton, Massachusetts, popularly known as “Lesbianville USA”.  I write for an independent LGBT newspaper, run by an amazing lesbian couple.  I serve side by side with an inspirational and opinionated group of lesbians on the Board of Directors of Noho Pride as the first transwoman to do so in it’s 30 year history!  I speak out and fight as an activist for LGBQ rights as much as I do for Trans Rights!!

And though I identify as very openly Queer and find myself attracted to folks of all manner of gender presentations, I have been in a long-term relationship with another woman for some years.  I have never identified myself as “lesbian”, but I am often identified as such because of the person I choose to love.  I am honoured to be so identified when that happens.

More broadly, I was raised by and grew up around countless very, very strong women, many of whom counted themselves as feminists.  My Mother and Grandmother were both lifelong feminists, who lived the ideals of feminism in their lives and taught me those ideals as well.

Along with those ideals though, they taught me the value of tolerance and compassion.  They taught me to respect all people and all of nature.  To celebrate the many differences between us as well as our commonalities.

But more than anything, they taught me that no person is inherently better than any other.  We may have our individual strengths and weaknesses and our peculiar quirks and those are good, but they do not make us superior in any fundamental way.

The one thing I was never allowed to say in my Grandmother’s presence was the word “hate”.  I might strongly dislike something, but hate was to be avoided.

So I ask you Bev Jo, to strongly reconsider the ideas you are putting forth into the world.  They may seem well-founded and worthwhile to you, as much or more so now as 30 years ago perhaps.  But please believe me when I tell you, as an Out, Queer, Transwoman living my life with the daily fussilade of slings and arrows that are routinely hurled at me.  Who is regularly and sometimes brutally oppressed for simply trying to be myself, to live life simply as the woman I am.  Please believe me when I tell you that your words have consequences.  Your anger waters the flowers of hatred and bigotry against transpeople.

I’m not even asking you to like us, or completely accept us.  As much as I support your right to speak up about what you believe, I am asking you to consider the violence of your words.  Realize that we transpeople are often denied the basic necessities of life and all too frequently even beaten or killed as a direct result of the justifications you offer.

Instead of tearing our communities apart, we should stand together against our various oppressors.  It is the only way we may all of us redress the systematic imbalances that continue to bedevil not only the LGBT community but Women generally!

Sincerely,

Lorelei Erisis

Let’s All Pull Together To Pass A Trans-Inclusive ENDA Now!!!!

Trans-Inclusive ENDA Now!

Okay folks, I just got off the phone from a nationwide conference call with some of the best minds and hardest workers in the trans community discussing ENDA.  We discussed the realities and the misleading falsehoods, the details and the broad scope.  It was a lot to take in quite frankly and I’m still trying to process a lot of what was discussed.

But since I’m an improviser and I believe in being in the moment and going with your gut to take you where the truth is, I wanted to share with you some of my initial impressions.

A lot of what was discussed were political details.  Hows and whys and the procedures to make this happen.  Good stuff and absolutely fascinating to a political junkie like myself, but not necessarily easy to convey without some additional study.

Basically what I got though was that this version of ENDA stands a very good chance of being passed and being passed as a Trans-Inclusive Bill!  It is not perfect, nor will it be.  There are problems with ENDA.  Not insurmountable problems though.  And certainly nothing as catastrophically bad as the conjectures that have been making the rounds of the interwebs for the past few days would seem to imply.

There will be no “Genital Inspector General” appointed and no spot checks at the restroom.  The provisions in regards to bathrooms don’t make me especially happy, but it’s nothing we can’t work with and it actually is an improvement on the current workplace situation.

Mind that: “Workplace Situation”  ENDA will not affect the restroom transgender people may use when they go out to Mackey D’s or at The Courthouse.  It governs only workplace related issues.  Basically the situation is this.  An employer will not be able to force you to use the “wrong” restroom.  Though they may be able to prevent trans employees from using the “right” restroom IF it is a multi-stall restroom and they have provided an alternate solution.

That’s important.  They must make a reasonable accommodation.

I agree, not ideal and not happy.  It still gives employers the ability to single us out and create a “separate but equal” situation.  It IS better than the current state of affairs though.  Where first of all, we have no actual employment protections anyway.  And second of all, as it stands today, employers in many states MAY actually force transgender people to use the “wrong” restroom

And that brings me to my next point.  ENDA will not be the end all be-all.  It’s not even going to be all that great.  I mean, if you can describe historic friggin’ legislation as “not all that great.”….  But it will be, as Gunner Scott aptly put it, “the floor that we’re starting on.”  It will be a building block on which to base state level protections and education about transgender issues.

And that is good.  That is excellent.

We will still need to pass laws at the state legislative level to provide stronger, better protections for our community.  But these stronger, better laws will have a national precedent to help us springboard them.  And once we can get them passed they will trump the weaker ENDA.  Meanwhile, ENDA will still provide at least some protection for transfolks in places that do not currently have any protections at all!  And some protections are a heck of a lot better than the no protections at all we have right now.

Yes, it’s true, it will be a bit of time and probably several stages before we see any actual language.  There is a lot we do not know about the final form ENDA will take.  But that’s just how it is in politics folks!  That’s how every bill gets passed.  The legislative process requires us to take some risks.  To take chances.

Right now, as a community, we are going to have to take a leap of faith!!!

ENDA needs our support to happen as well as to stay Trans-Inclusive.  It’s time to stop bickering among ourselves and pull together as one, unified and powerful community.  This bill must pass and it must pass this year!!!  We will wait no longer.

So get out there and call your Congress People.  Call your Reps and tell them that you as their constituent, as their VOTING constituent, need them to help pass a Trans-Inclusive ENDA now!  Then call your Senator, so we can get them buttered up and ready to throw on the grill once the Bill comes out of The House.

There’s a tremendous amount of energy out there in the trans community right now.  If we can focus that and join ranks with a single purpose, there is nothing we may not accomplish.

Now Go!!!!  It’s time to get to work and there is not a second to waste!!!

ORIGINAL IMAGE AND CAPTION REMOVED BY REQUEST

ENDA Rally at City Hall in Northampton

People Come Together!!!

( To look at the Bill yourself, go here:  The Library Of Congress: Thomas Jefferson Legislative Information Section And search for Bill Number HR3017 )

Northampton Trans-Inclusive ENDA Rally News Segment

Northampton Trans-inclusive ENDA Rally Article in The Socialist Worker

Photos by Madeline Burrows and Elle St. Claire (Amazing Shot, but Sadly Removed -LE)

Tribeca’s Controversy Kerfuffle

Here we go.  Good morning and good afternoon dear readers, I have a few somethings to say.  It’s possible, if you’re a regular follower of this blog that you read my recent post in support of the boycott of Ticked Off Trannies With Knives.  It’s also likely, if you are a follower of this blog that you are at least passingly familiar with my activism in support of transgender rights.

Now normally, I try to stick to the brass tacks real world, food, shelter and basic human rights kind of activism.  I wade into the contentious fray of language politics and media representation only with trepidation and care.  There are plenty of other folks who make a mission of being the watchdogs of our image as transgender/transsexual folks.

I care a great deal about these things myself, but I lived and worked in Hollywood for too long and know too much about the media machine in general, to often get behind that uphill-bound boulder.  I generally let Sisyphus handle that thankless task hirself.

But my friends, sometimes there are things about which I feel compelled to speak up.  Things that represent too much of a tipping point to ignore.

The whirlwind of controversy that has been surrounding TOTWK is one of those things.  If you’d like to read details of what I’ve had to say about the film itself, please see my previous post “Ticked-Off Trannies With Blogs”.  In summary though, after weighing the positives and negatives of the film and it’s presentation, I found it not to be “transploitation” so much as simply exploitative of trans people and the very real dangers we face.

I realize that I have based this assessment simply on the trailer that is available online and the commentary offered by those who have seen it or who were involved with the production.  That said, c’mon, we all have seen movie trailers that made us exclaim afterwards, “Well, guess I’ve seen the whole movie now!” or “D—n!!  I’m glad I didn’t waste 12 bucks and two hours on that piece of s—t!!”

And don’t tell me all you armchair Eberts out there haven’t said even worse on less info!  The simple fact is, we all do it all the time.  There is such a barrage of information and “entertainment” that we are bombarded with almost every minute of every day, that the only way to survive in this data cloud of a world is to make constant snap judgments about what we like and what we don’t like.

Quite enough is presented in the trailer for and the media representation of TOTWK for me to say with confidence that it is offensive to transfolks and insensitive to the issues we face everyday.  And besides all that, it’s really the media presentation of the film and the image that it is trying to project that are the basic problems for me.

If this movie was called “Dangerous Drag Divas With Daggers”, I’d probably even shell out my 12 bucks to see it!!  I like some cheesy-ass movies y’all!!  John Waters is an idol of mine!  And one of my all time favorite movies is “I’m Gonna Get You Sucka”!!  Not exactly high art.  And heck, I absolutely love Sam Raimi’s “Evil Dead” movies!  Raging gore fests and great fun!!!

But TOTWK tries to rep itself as a “fun” message movie.  A retro camp, “…homage to the exploitation films of the ’70s and ’80s….Inspired by the devastating increase in brutal hate crimes against people in the transgender community…” – Roya Rastegar in the Program Notes for the Tribeca Filmguide.

An argument could be made for the artistic merit of this movie as the much respected transgender actress Alexandra Billings has done on her blog, and reprinted on the website for TOTWK.  And I’m afraid she has the advantage on me of having actually screened a copy of the film.  Nonetheless, I must respectfully disagree with Ms. Billings.

As I said, I believe this film represents a dangerous tipping point in the public image of transgender people.  Simply by it’s inclusion in the Tribeca festival it has gained a notoriety that virtually guarantees it will be viewed by a great many potential allies who have never previously had any experience of an actual flesh-and-blood transgender person.  The image presented of transgender women in TOTWK will contribute to the shape of their impression of us as a whole.  And it is a false one.

If there were a wealth of positive images of transgender people out there already, this would not be such an issue.  But there is not.  Even now, I still often meet people whose primary knowledge of us comes from Jerry Springer.  Who assume that just because I tell them I am a performer that I must do a killer Judy Garland impression and have a wardrobe filled with rhinestones!  I’m a pretty fabulous woman mind you, but I don’t do Judy (or Streisand or Madonna or Marilyn…) and I have kindly requested that if any of my friends ever spot me in rhinestones that they simply shoot me on sight.

I have seen it asserted that at least 3 of the 5 lead roles in TOTWK are played by actual transgender women.  I have no reason to deny this or attempt to disparage the “authenticity” of these women.  In fact as an actor I congratulate them on getting a paying gig.

Just because they are authentic transgender women however does not mean this is an authentic representation of the transgender experience.  It does not necessarily lend credibility to the filmmaker or the whole cast and crew.  It simply means they got cast in the flick.  Which, okay, is big all on it’s own, but that’s another issue.  Just because an actor gets cast does not mean the film is going to be good or the roles respectfully written.

See, for example, almost every role written for African –American actors in the first half of the Twentieth Century.  Or check out the book “The Celluloid Closet” for a great history of the roles that were available for Gay and Lesbian actors for much of the history of cinema. Also it is worth noting that while these transgender women acted in the film, the words they speak belong to the writer.  A cisgender gay man.

I’m sure the actors had some artistic input, but the overall content sprang from the mind of Mr. Israel Luna.  I cannot fault them for or assign merit to the content based on these women’s presence in the film.  Gods know, I’ve done some stuff myself that I thank my lucky stars everyday has not yet seen an audience larger than would fit in a living room….  Those are the hazards of being an actor.

My impression of this movie is that despite the presence of 3 transgender actors, the parts they play are very much Drag Characters.  Again, no dis-respect to drag artists, it’s a perfectly legitimate art-form.  But it does not represent the actual experience of transgender women.  Drag Queens are fabulous, entertaining and bigger than life.  But they are generally based on caricatures of women.  And more often than not, they identify as men who are playing women.

Which brings me to Willam Belli.

In all the controversy swirling around this movie what I was finding missing was the voices of the actors actually playing these transgender women.  I read the comments from the filmmaker Israel Luna, himself a proud gay man.  But what I wanted to know, as an actor and a transgender woman myself, was what these actors who represented TOTWKs sole claim to community authenticity had to say.

The first comment I came across was a fairly reasonable statement in the New York Times by Krystal Summers who identifies as a transgender woman and is one of the lead actors in the film.  I found her portrayal of GLAAD’s involvement with the film to be somewhat misleading, but sympathized with her point in asking people simply to see the film before passing judgment.

Again, I sympathize, but do not necessarily agree.  Still, it was nice to read her point of view.

After that, my own life went back into high gear and I lost day-to-day track of the controversy.  I do a great deal of outreach and activism in and for the trans community.  I serve on the boards of a couple of non-profit orgs.  I perform whenever I can.  I write a regular column in an honest-to-gods printed on paper LGBT newspaper that distributes throughout New England.  I have a day job to pay the bills.  And I also make appearances as Miss Trans New England.  Plus all the business of friends and family and just life as a transwoman trying to get through the day in an often hostile world.

Basically I keep pretty busy.

So the next time any of this came back into my consciousness, aside from the odd facebook update, was when it was pointed out to me by a regular reader of my blog that I might take a look at this Willam Belli guy and the things he’s been saying all over the interwebs.

Willam Belli it turns out is one of the actors in TOTWK.  You might also know him from his star-raising performance in Nip/Tuck.  He is not a transgender woman, as you may have guessed by the sudden appearance of male pronouns associated with his name.

I was curious, so I started surfing links.  He’s got a pretty solid website and the IMDB page of a hard working actor doing everything he can to break out and up.  Some pretty decent roles in stage and film, a lot of gay male characters and Drag Queens.  I liked his reel.  I remembered his performance on Nip/Tuck as being pretty good.  It certainly f—ked me up when I watched it.

From there he seems to have made a big push to play more transgender characters, continuing to develop a very drag queen-esque persona.

I’ll be honest with you friends, as I poked around his work and personal website, I was kinda starting to like the guy.  This, despite the fact that I had been told he was attacking friends of mine in the community.  I even kind of enjoyed some of his work.  A clip of his cabaret act called “Choose your Own Adventure” was cute and funny.  Additionally, he seems to be well-liked by several transwomen whom I greatly respect.

Then I watched the trailer for a show pilot called “Tranny McGuyver”, that is described on YouTube as being “conceived by Willam Belli … & Patty Wortham.”  On his IMDB page he is listed as Writer (Creator) and Executive Producer.

However in the comments section of the YouTube page, apparently as part of a discussion of the word “tranny”, under the screenname “noextrai” he has this to say: “maybe that’s why it never made it to series. i didn’t write it or come_ up with it. just acted and improved in it. Tranny is derived from the word TRANSVESTITE (which most drag queens are), not Transsexual. it’s not meant to offend anyone”

This flatly contradicts the description below the video, which was also apparently uploaded by “noextrai” so presumably he should fix that if it is indeed false.  But since it also contradicts almost everything else I found about “Tranny McGuyver” I’m guessing his statement was simply “creative reality”.

As for his statement that, “Tranny is derived from the word TRANSVESTITE … not Transsexual.”  Really?!?!!?  I’m kind of a word geek myself, I used to read the dictionary for fun when I was a kid and to this day cannot look up a word without becoming fascinatedly side-tracked.  And just to be safe I did a quick Google search for “tranny etymology” and got not one single definition that agreed with this statement.  In fact few of them completely agreed with the others either.  Most defined the word as coming from transsexual, transgender and/or transvestite.  But I digress.

Getting back to “Tranny McGuyver”.  I’ll let the dialogue from the opening of the trailer speak for itself:

Female uniformed officer speaking to a distraught woman: “Ma’am, can you please describe the assailant?”

Woman: “He was tall.  Athletic…”

Officer Mac (Belli’s character): “He sounds cute!”  (Woman begins to sob)

Officer Mac to Woman: “Pull it together Rapey!” (Then speaking to the female officer) “She’s a girl, you talk to her.”

“Rapey”!!?!?  Really?!?!?!  I’m not exactly the PC Police myself, but in what universe is that okay or even funny?????  I think even Lenny Bruce would have frowned on that.  If a line like that was delivered onstage in a live show, I’m sure the audience would do that quiet look around awkwardly and shuffle in their seats thing I’ve seen happen during uncomfortably offensive moments.

The rest of the trailer left me simply nonplussed.  Even if it had been absolute genius, I doubt I’d have enjoyed it after an opening like that.

From there I went link surfing, looking up all the things Mr. Belli had to say in regards and response to the controversy surrounding TOTWK and the conversations going on around it.  What I found was quite a bit of ugliness.  Belli is quite prolific in his commentary.  He seems to have taken up the torch of Defender of TOTWK and manages to comment on just about every mention of the movie I have found.

As I started pouring through all the rants, discussions and diatribes, I tried to remember to put myself in Belli’s shoes.  This seems to be his highest billed role to date.  In a film that is being featured in Robert friggin’ DeNiro’s much respected and influential Tribeca film festival no less!!  I know I’d be excited!

And now his big break is suddenly being threatened with criticism coming from all directions.  Is it any wonder that he’s a little defensive?  He’s backed into a corner.

To be quite honest, speaking not as activist Lorelei but as Lorelei the actor, I’m not sure I wouldn’t have done the movie myself if I had had the opportunity.

I felt like he was being a little bit of a bully in his commentary though and the more I read, the more I thought this.  There wasn’t any one instance where I could say he was completely out of line.  He seems savvy enough to avoid that.  But overall, the tone and tactics of his comments did not paint a pretty picture.  More often than not, he shuts down his opponents with sarcasm and bitchiness rather than intelligent argument.  I could quote any number of comments, but nothing I could quote is really specifically damning.  It’s more of an overall tone to his remarks that got under my skin.  I encourage you dear reader to fire up Google and check it out for yourself, his comments are easy to find.

Still, I was having difficulty deciding whether to say anything.  I had begun writing this piece, but was stalled.  I have little desire to find myself in the middle of all the nastiness and name calling flying around.  I also don’t want to appear as if I am attacking anyone myself.  Willam Belli did go after a number of my friends and associates pretty viciously I thought.  But on the other hand, they did put themselves in the line of fire.

Further, I myself have defended the use of the word tranny.  I use it myself and I like it.  I believe in the repurposing of words that have been used against us.  However I also know that many other people find it offensive and I think it’s important to respect that.  I actually got a question during a live Q and A I did last week about whether “tranny” was okay to use or not.  My answer boiled down to, “When in doubt ask.  And then use it accordingly.”

I do not believe that the film TOTWK, the filmmaker Israel Luna, or Willam Belli has followed this guide themselves.  Metaphorically speaking, they have never asked whether “tranny” was okay.  They have dictated terms themselves.  They have said, essentially, we are using this word whether you like it or not.  Rather than respect the experience of transgender people and the realities of our day-to-day existence, they have proclaimed themselves grand arbiters!  They will control the horizontal and the vertical, so get in line or get off the boat!!  At least that’s how it seems to me.

By this evening I had pretty much talked myself out of finishing this blog posting.  There are simply so many variables.  I have supported the boycott, and feel that there is good reason to do so.  But I’m not totally comfortable with having not seen the film myself.  I could be totally wrong about it.  I’ve been wrong about things before and I’m likely to be again.  Maybe it’s actually awesome and empowering or at least too much fun to seriously protest.  I doubt it, but it’s possible.

But then tonight I read a particularly well thought out and insightful negative critique of TOTWK on Advocate.com by transgender actress and activist Laverne Cox, star of “Transform Me” on VH1.  She makes some great points.  And apparently she’s seen the movie too!

Then, low and behold, right down at the bottom in the comments section is a remark from Willam Belli, following just the same pattern as his other comments.  It was time for me to say something.  Thanks for the push Willam!

Finally, I want to encourage you dear friends and loyal readers to check out the available information about this movie yourself.  Watch the recently re-edited trailer (thank you Mr. Luna).  Examine the opinions so dynamically expressed on both sides of this issue.  Most of all, Think for yourselves.

If after doing that, you find this film and the arguments supporting it to be lacking, join the protest.  Write your own blogs.  Tell your friends.  And if you can, go to NYC on April 23^rd and join the Opening Night Education Rally being organized by trans-advocacy group MAGNET!!

And then follow the best advice I have seen from people on both sides of this issue.  Get out there and make your own movies about transgender people!  Make art about the trans experience!!  Write or produce TV shows about all things trans!!  Just go do it!

If you need an actor, you know where to find me!!!

Slainte!

Ticked-Off Trannies With BLOGS!!!!

Okay, now I tend to be extremely conservative about jumping on Boycott bandwagons, especially in relation to entertainment/pop-culture products or projects.  Before I was an activist of any kind, I was and am an actor, writer and comic performer.  I’ve studied and worked in comedy for most of my life and I know what a fine line it is between what is offensive and what is funny.  How often and easily that line blurs.  I like inappropriate jokes, edgy entertainment and boundary pushing art.

I am also exceptionally leery of censorship of any kind, even and especially of topics that I am personally offended by.  Restriction of free speech and artistic expression of any kind can be a very slippery slope.  We voluntarily allow far too many freedoms to be taken away from us in the name of Political Correctness and Safety.

I also believe in basic decency and politeness though.  I’m not much of a Christian, but the Bible did get it right when it said, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”  I believe that.  I think if we all treated each other with a bit more respect and open-mindedness the world would be a much better place.

So when I read the various Facebook posts by transgender friends and allies who were crying foul against a movie called “Ticked Off Trannies With Knives”, I was immediately on guard.  I have previously defended the use of the word “tranny” as a popular colloquialism.  I know it’s offensive, but it’s also fairly pervasive.  I feel it’s better to defuse it than allow it to be a weapon.

That said, my immediate reaction, based on my relationship with and respect for the sources of the posts was one of personal offense.  “This horrible film must be stopped!!!”  My reaction was so visceral I felt I could not trust it.  I needed to think before reacting.  So I waded into the source material with an open mind, watched the trailer and read both the blog postings against the movie and the fan support for it.

After all, the film is being featured in the much respected Tribeca Film Festival, which was started by Robert DeNiro.  I’m kind of a movie geek, so even a loosely implied connection to DeNiro is enough tom get my attention and excitement up.

The trailer immediately evoked some very emotional responses for me.  It invoked the brutal death of Angie Zapata and other transgender women.  Like a spell it conjured the horror of violence against my community.  The violence that keeps me from being able to live with the woman I love in San Diego.  Violence that I and many of my brothers, sisters and others live in fear of every day.

It tried to buddy up to me and say, “Hey, this is a movie by trannies, for trannies.”  It painted itself as a movie that felt my pain and was as angry as I am!!  A classic revenge fantasy.  Bloody.  Dangerous.  Funny too.  And maybe just a little inappropriate, but in the fine tradition of classic Blaxsploitation movies.

Blaxsploitation, if you’re not familiar was a genre of film that emerged in the early 1970’s that was often accused of portraying negative racial stereotypes and exploiting sensitive issues.  But for all that, they were some of the first films to be made primarily for black audiences with almost entirely black casts and made by black filmmakers.  For all of their faults, they are pretty amazing and groundbreaking films.

With that in mind, I was totally prepared to suspend my offense and possibly even be prepared to enjoy the trailer for a film that billed itself as “transploitation”. I actually kind of wanted to like it!

Geared up and angry from the invocation of transgender bashing and open minded from my love of movies like “Shaft” and “Sweet Sweetback’s Baadasssss Song” I found myself immediately disappointed by what appeared to be a cast of Drag Queens being billed as “transgender”.  I found not identification and visceral vindication, but alienation and offense.

Even at that, I tried to remain open-minded.  I all too often have people asking me if “I can do Streisand”  and “What songs do you do?”  When I tell them I’m a performer.  Because I’m trans and an actor, people often assume I must be a female impersonator and it always pisses me off.  So I was prepared to dig deeper.  Maybe the movie was made by transgender filmmakers or had a transgender crew.

Nope and nope.

Turns out the movie was directed by a gay man with nary an actual transgender person* in sight.  Hardly, the Melvin Van Peebles of our community.  After very careful review and much critical thought I came to the conclusion that this movie, “Ticked Off Trannies With Knives” is not “transploitation” so much as simply, exploitation of transgender people.

Please, if you are a transgender person, an ally of transgender people or even just a lover of film, check out the links and the trailer below for yourself.  If you are as offended as I am, let the folks who organize the Tribeca film festival know how you feel about this film.

*Author’s note: I am reliably informed that in addition to the now publicized 3 transgender women in lead roles, there were also a number of trans crew members. So there’s that. Weigh that as you will. -LE 4/19

(And yes, I know the link is broken… I left it as a sign that change is possible if we speak up. Director Luna re-edited the trailer and I’ve posted it below.)

Saturday Night At The Club

Really needed a little loud music tonight. Beautiful people sway and sweat. Youth doing what youth do. Blithely unconcerned just dancing, grinding, drinking. I seek solace myself in the overwhelming numbness of the beat, the bass. I am pushed to extremes and my mind races.  I see old solutions in new places.  Try and find myself in who I was.  The writer in the dark. I’m not much for dancing tonight just need to be washed in the energy of the crowd. I want to be recognized and remain anonymous. The writer in the night.  I wonder why I never meet cute boys at the gay bar. They’re not here to meet me they’re here to meet themselves. I’m a woman! But where do I meet a boy who can sweep me off my feet. Accept me, be attracted to me for who I am. It never seems to happen at the nightclub but that’s where I go anyway. Where is the boy who can appreciate me, not be afraid of me?

So I’m talking to a cute boy at the bar. Dangerous hot and teaches Latin!!  I’m maybe making way managing small talk forcing myself to not be shy. Then some girl takes a slow dive to the floor in front of us. Next thing I know hot boy is helping her up and he’s gone.

All I can think is, “bitch”.

I wish I knew some smooth lines or could make myself not be so fucking shy. Maybe have a few less stupid morals. Pain in the ass standards.

I just want to get fucked. Why should that be so hard?

Oh I see, not giving a fuck is apparently the trick!! Just don’t try, don’t care and maybe I’ll hook up.

The cute boy is back “whenare yougonna buy me a drink” in a hot east Boston accent.  Demanding in charge and dangerous.

I buy the drink I don’t hesitate even. Captain and Coke.

Like I said hot boy. Big muscles not short either. He asks what I do. I tell him pageant queen writer. He says he writes poetry. I ask him his favorite Latin poet. Catullus. I’ve heard of him and all the other Latin poets he names. Fave non Latin poet? Elizabeth Browning. Holy shit umm I’m floored. Like I said dangerous hot looking like the kind of Boston guy that might follow me into an alley. Masshole bent Sox cap even. Camo tshirt. But smart and forward as fuck. He asks if I want to come back to his place with the girl who’s been puppydogging him around the club. I decline. I’m feeling a little self-conscious about my body tonight. Didn’t bother with any shaving so I have a fine fuzz on my chest. Plus I’m in no mood to share this one with some little alt girl. I want this boy all to myself if I’m going to fuck him.

Let him think about me for a while. Take out my card occasionally. Think about calling me.

He drifts away into other convos and I dance with some friend’s friends. Two beautiful girls. Mocha and milk chocolate. I joke about being too hot. They encourage me to take off my sweater so I show them my new tits. Little perky and sensitve when mocha beautiful tests their tweak!  I dance and abandon.

Life is good. Apparently the only thing I need to do is simply not give fuck. Simply stop trying. Stop caring.

Huh. Whatever works.